Do you struggle know what to write in a card? Do you typically just sign your name?
Let's up your sentiment game with these 6 ways, taken from the original "Art of Conversation" book written in 1907. They are timeless principles that still hold true today and can help us open up a new channel of deep conversation.
Let's jump write in. (See what I did there?)
1. Make your speech in harmony with your surroundings.
Basically, choose a card that fits the emotion and message you want to convey. (I've got some really good ones.) A well chosen card is a powerful way to add meaning to the note inside. It can evoke feelings and emotion before the person even opens the card. (Did you know the brain wires colors with emotions? Yeah. So cool!) It also tells the recipient that they were worthy of your time and careful consideration. That tells people they matter. That’s important!
2. Include a relevant quotation
“A conversation or a letter in which some choice quotation finds a place, is certainly thus improved and lifted above the commonplace. “
I find that to be really true. When I’m stumped for what to write to someone, maybe nothing seems good enough, finding a relevant quote is an awesome jumping off point. It gets my creative juices flowing and it gives me a topic to expand on that relates to the situation of the person receiving the card.
From the recipient’s perspective,
“Some of the most delightful letters that I have ever received have been those in which there have been quotations, so relevant, so charming that, for the time being, they seemed to have been written for me alone.”
3. Do not ask question number 2 until number 1 has been answered.
This is especially true of small cards where space is limited.However, I also love that this "golden rule" reminds us to ask questions! Start small. Ask a question to invite the recipient to participate in the practice of intentional communication. It blesses them with the opportunity to experience the clarity that writing down thoughts brings. They can experience the benefits of journaling, perhaps for the first time. So start small. Just 1 question will do.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of a response, what a blessing! That person just invited you into their world, and now you both have the chance to engage in deep and actually meaningful conversation.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”- Proverbs 27:17 A thoughtful, written discussion with another intelligent friend can make you a better person. Why not start cultivating that with a good question?
That leads me into number four.
4. Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener a chance.
Be direct. Avoid unnecessary details. Try and avoid tangents. Be intentional about where the message is going and what its purpose is. I often cross things out in notes because I catch myself headed in a direction with my thoughts that would end up getting too long and doesn’t serve the overall intention of the card. It’s better for a page to be covered in scribbles with a direct message than to have 3 pages of information that is useless to the reader. They don’t need that kind of mental over load. What I do in actual conversation is another thing. I'm the worst! Don't ever ask me to tell you a story.
Number five relates to number four.
5. Do not offer unsolicited advice
Don't just offer your opinion and "what I would do if I were you" kind of messages. Especially in cards that are sent to people who are struggling in some way. It can be easy to slip into this when you're spending time reflecting on the person you're writing to, you're trying to be empathetic and really understand their situation, and if you're like me, you want to FIX everything. If something isn't working, I'm gonna find a solution. That's great for mechanical problems. That's not great for people problems. It's better to just ask more questions. Let them know you really hope to understand and support them. Ask questions (see number 3) and invite them to share their perspective.
and last,
6. Cultivate Tact.
Tact? What is that? In this day and age of say whatever you want, we lost the art of tact. Having tact is one of the biggest indicators I find of being a graceful person. Colossians 4:6 says "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." In other words, say what you mean, mean what you say, and never be mean when you say it. Timing can also be key. Sometimes the most effective part about sending a card is WHEN you send it. But I digress.
My main point about this is:
“Out of Silence comes thy strength. Speech is silver, Silence is golden; speech is human, silence is divine.” - Carlyle
If you’re absolutely at a loss for what to say to someone in a card, at that point, it is wise to err on the side of caution and say very little, or nothing. If the quote or the idea already provided pretty well sums up everything, it’s okay to leave it at that. Maybe circle or underline the parts that are most meaningful, or circle the whole thing to let the recipient know that the message was exactly what you wanted to say, and then sign your name. Just make sure that the sentiment or quote can’t be interpreted as an underhanded critique or insult. The art of conversation made a very valid point “To be told that one is not looking well, or is looking ill, or older, as the case may be, is certainly not conducive to pleasant feelings on the part of the listener. “ **Guilty as charged** - the one I’ve heard the most and have been guilty of myself: “How are you? You look tired.” yikes. Like, thanks, not only am I actually tired, but now I look bad too? I think this is a poorly designed tactic to try to start a meaningful dialogue. We want to skip the small talk and invite the other person to share what they’re struggling with so we can offer our support. Do I need to tell you that starting a conversation with an insult probably isn’t going to have the desired effect? I apparently need to remind myself of that.
While they were talking about comments made during conversation, let’s leave them out of our letters too.
I hope you find these points helpful and that they encourage you to sit down and write someone a note. I pray the words of caution give you the confidence to know that you CAN write a powerful message and it will be received in the best way. Nobody is perfect, so don't let that stop you from creating a beautiful moment of connection with someone through the mail. If it falls flat, that's okay, keep trying! Writing cards and letters takes practice. It IS a practice, just like yoga and journaling. Everyone is a beginner at some point. To begin, you can grab one of my beautiful, garden inspired greeting cards. They're painted in bright, joyful colors that evoke emotions of happiness and well being. That's a great place to start from.
Happy writing!
xoxo,
Aurie