So what does connection look like?

Today I'd like to illustrate with a personal story about connecting that changed me. I hope it will inspire reflection and encouragement because it could just as easily be you and your friend.

I have a friend who has struggled her entire life with a genetic disease. I haven't known her long, only a few brief interactions over the span of a few years. She is quiet most of the time, probably because she doesn't feel good, but I noticed that she came to most parties anyways. She traveled with her family and enjoyed what she could about living life. But we never talked much. She was hardly ever on social media. As time passed, I just kept noticing little things about her and I felt drawn to her even though I couldn't really put my finger on why. Maybe because while I love being around people, it tires me out and often at these parties, I'd find myself in a quiet corner with this friend, sitting in silence and just watching everyone having a great time. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, this friend started down a path there was no coming back from. Her health was declining. She's my age and that made me realize that life is short. Too short to just watch people from afar and never work up the nerve to tell them what impact they have on your life. But yikes, it's scary to open yourself up to that kind of vulnerability. But I decided that if it provided some sense of peace and satisfaction for her to know she made a difference, that her life mattered to other people. To know that she was seen. If it gave her the bravery to live each day, then I needed to throw my inhibitions in the trash. I'm no good at telling people to their face how I feel or expressing deep emotion, so I leaned into what I'm good at. Painting.

Can you guess what I painted?

Because I'm so terrible at it, I had to slow down and really reflect on what I wanted to say. 

I learned so much about her just by taking the time to think about how she's lived life and what I admire about her. It slowed me down and I started having lightbulb moments about how I needed to live MY life. I also realized that by digging deep into what I had observed about my friend, I knew more about her than I realized!

By the time I finally got to deliver it, she wasn't awake often, and not able to communicate well.

I showed up anyways. I wasn’t certain AT ALL if it was the right thing to do or the right time to do it, but I just spontaneously took it and showed up.

She was asleep, so I chatted with her mom and ended up having a deep and very meaningful conversation that was a couple hours long! It was wonderful! (Another relationship built!)

When she woke up, I was able to give her the painting.

Because of the things I learned about her just by remembering observations, I was able to encourage her. As I said goodbye, I made a reference to popcorn and she made a joke and instantly I connected- we were kindred spirits. I had sensed it all along, in the brief, spotty chats but I just had not been able to connect.

She passed away two weeks later.

I share all of this because there’s a point to it.

People are important. We will miss out on life's popcorn moments if all we do is like, comment, and send reactions to posts on social media. We need to pay attention and really see people. We need to show up and be vulnerable enough to let their struggle in. AND it is beyond rewarding. You will learn so much about yourself, about life, about others.