Early summer:
The days have warmed up in a hurry and all of a sudden, it is TOMATO season!
Those carefully planted babies I put in the ground in March, nourished with a mound of mushroom compost, steadfastly pinching out side-shoots and pruning browned leaves, and guarded vigilantly against hornworms, well they have exploded and after praying daily that the ever-swelling green fruits would not split, I got to harvest the most perfect, large, slicer tomato I have ever grown.
The smell of a tomato plant alone is enough of an allure for me to strive endlessly to grow them. The scent that is released when you brush against them in the summer sun is one that is unlike any other. Pungent, warm, herby, minty, with a hint of acidic sweetness. It’s not even the smell of the fruit, it’s carried in the leaves alone and one whiff is enough to make me close my eyes and let the cares of the world to melt away. Summer is here. The sunshine is back. I’ve loved that smell as long as I can remember. I have no idea why, it doesn’t bring back memories, but it was the first veg I tried to grow and I always had a pot or two trying to produce fruit since I left home and went to college.
Nurturing tomatoes is a lot like nurturing relationships. You plant the seed, you nurture and water and wait for it to sprout and catch. Not every acquaintance will take, but the ones that do, bring such surprise and joy, yet, there’s still a lot more to be done before friendships bear the heady, warm and substantial fruit. As it grows from sprouting, more time must be invested, you must learn what the plant likes (and doesn’t like- please don’t die!) And if the roots start to take hold and the stem starts to grow and bush, then comes the unpleasant part- pinching out. Every friendship has a purpose and when you’re involved in nurturing it, you must, painful as it must be, pinch out the un-necessary parts. As Proverbs 27:17-18 says “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit.” Maybe we aren’t talking figs here, but the principle is true of tomatoes too- you see, tomatoes are happy to produce an overabundance of leaves. And while those leaves are intoxicating to immerse yourself in, that is not its purpose. Its purpose is a useful tomato. Lots of them. So we pinch out new leaves that sprout between the main branches. While they appear to make the plant healthy, it’s actually the opposite- they are clutter. They absorb the nutrients that need to go into the fruit. They block air and light between stems which will eventually make the plant sick, moldy, and unproductive. Friendships too can fall prey to clutter. Gossip, comparison, complaining, shallow conversation, the frequent but fast “hi how are you?” “good, how are you?” “oh fine”… That doesn’t grow fruit. If you see signs of these trends in your friendship, just like tomatoes- it’s best to pinch it out while it’s just unfurling. It’s quick and easy. Rather, if you wait, you’ll have to go get the loppers to make a clean cut and hope disease doesn’t set into the wound. I had an older friend tell me once the most effective question to ask your friends is “How are you REALLY?” And then wait for the gush. That’s your opportunity to fertilize. The reason Sonshine Paperie exists is because I’ve found that a simple way to water friendships is to prune out texting and send a written note when you see a friend going through that month of illness with all their kids. Better yet, deliver a care package with a heartfelt note of encouragement inside- then you get personal connection, and it’s watered even after you leave.
Given enough time and the right conditions, you’ll find some friendships will explode with growth, and then set those small green fruits. Which you’ll pray protection over every evening to grow, guard, and protect them from splitting or critters until life heats up and you get to collect the sweet, reviving fruit of a beautiful friendship when you need it the most.